Becoming a Writer

It has become quite apparent to me within the past 6 that I need to write and share my story.

So, I took a brief, but very useful and encouraging, writing course online with Reid Tracy and Kelly Notaras. Then, I bought Kelly Notaras book, The Book You Were Born to Write. She says in order to be a writer all you really need to do is write; you need a writing practice. In the book, she acknowledges her hope that the reader would write something after each section.

The truth is, I had made my 100 Days commitment even before I’d take the writing course or started reading her book. And, I’ve already written probably two posts about how I’ve been slacking off on this commitment. It’s probably not realistic to write everyday when you have small children around-–that was probably the most common excuse I was telling myself. And although it’s valid, it’s still an excuse. Then I was procrastinating my writing because the things I have to say are not always the easiest to write about––but who cares? No one is reading this blog right now, no one but me! “Stop making excuses!” I tell myself.

But then I remind myself about the physics of progress; and knowing the way I am, I need to establish a writing habit first and then get into the nitty gritty stuff, while allowing space for the nitty gritty to flow naturally whenever that is the case.

So, here I go, practising: Today I read about the difference between traditional publishing and self-publishing and what’s involved in each avenue. Regardless of which avenue I pursue, it’s evident to me that I need to begin, or rather resume, building my audience. Though, with self-publishing this is less of a deterrent as I can start and publish without having a large audience; traditional publishers, because of the way the business works now, they basically won’t even look in your direction if you don’t bring a large audience to the table.

Given that I feel pretty shy about telling my story, I would probably prefer writing it without a huge audience at first, I really like to process my own thoughts before sharing them. Either way, it’s a beast. Writing a book, is a big undertaking. It’s also a path of self-discovery and that is what I’m most looking forward to. That, and all the people I will meet and get to know along the way!

The Resistance

I’m noticing a lot of resistance to doing these blog posts. Not just the blog posts, but an online group series that I’ve been working on, in my head, for a couple months now. I mean, resistance from myself. I find a lot of excuses. They are good excuses, like stuff that actually needs to get done, but it leads me away all too easily. It doesn’t just lead me away, it’s a comfort. It’s stuff I can do that doesn’t have me putting myself out there and being vulnerable.

Why can’t I get all this stuff I want to say out onto the page? What is holding me back? I am simultaneously afraid that I will be amazing and also a major flop; that no one will want to hear what I have to say and that I won’t be able to keep up with being “a success”, whatever that means. It’s a perfect way to do nothing!

I asked a friend/colleague today if she was afraid when she first started teaching. She is so natural, and when I participate in her classes and calls, you would never know that she’s nervous and everything flows. She said she’s always scared but that she chooses to expand her life anyway. It was brief but it was exactly what I needed to hear.

I believe it was Mandela who said that “Courage is not the absence of fear but the triumph over it”. It’s ok to be scared but do the thing anyway. I know this is what I need. I may have to tell myself this a few times before it really sinks in, but making the decision to do it scared is an important part of the process. I am working on my process. I have made the decision and I’m on my way to unstoppable.

Are there things you would love to be doing? Things that you know would expand your life? What’s stopping you? Would you like to know what the unstoppable you looks and feels like? Ask me how.

Grief

I’m not sure exactly when I realized that grief was for more than just mourning the loss of people who are no longer in our lives. It was probably after I’d had what we, as BodyTalkers, call a Big Four Shift, (more about that in future posts). It was such a big shift in my thinking and perspective, and I had to process a really heavy sadness; I was grieving.

It was then I realized that we can grieve identities, old ways of thinking, and missed opportunities, real or perceived, (also known as regret). We grieve the loss of familiar patterns. You could even say that our physical bodies grieve the loss of the familiar chemical patterns they’ve grown used to, produced by the emotions we are used to experiencing on a regular basis*.

In its natural healthy state, grief serves a great purpose for us. It helps us to let go of attachments to what is no longer serving us. The problem is, though, that grief can be very uncomfortable and we seem to be caught up in the idea of trying to always feel happy and positive. Instead, we can learn to feel the things that are uncomfortable and know that not only is it normal, but it is actually essential to our growth. It is essential to let go of what no longer serves us.

Pureed carrots are great for babies, but can you imagine eating that forever?! It’s nice to have your parents drive you around, but it’s also nice to have the freedom to drive yourself around, too, even if the initial process of learning how to drive feels foreign and requires all your attention. These types of growth and changes are typically the kind we are motivated and excited to do.

But what about the growth and change that life expects of us? The kind that allows us to step into the destiny we came here to live? The types of growth and challenges that life nudges us into, situations that make us uncomfortable, that are even painful, sometimes gut-wrenching heart-break. The saying goes, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.” Some of us die a slow death, though, never being able to fully let go. A healthy processing of grief makes us stronger when we feel all the feels and then let go. I love how William Lee Rand says it: “One could even say that the purpose of life is to grow and develop.”

And, this is not something we do once. We are continually asked to let go. Life continues to challenge us. I have learned to ask, what am I needing to let go of here? What can I grow into here? There are times when I’ve been at the lowest of lows. There are still times, when I dip low. And when I realize I’m there, I also realize how alive I am, and that, even though I’m in the depths, it feels so amazing to know that I feel this way simply because I can feel, because I’m here having this experience. And then I remember that I’m learning. I’m letting go and I’m growing.

*for more about this, see the book Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispenza