Tag: meditation

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In a Funk

This is what I call it when I can’t seem to shake a cloud over me; a lack of motivation. It took me three days to get out the previous post and it was “crap”. I’ve got crap in quotes because it just is what it is. It’s not like it was total crap but I felt I could have done better. Except, I couldn’t because if I could have I would have! That was all that was flowing out of me.

So, I had to examine: what the heck has got me in this funk? (I mean aside from the world being in the whole stupid “pandemic” situation and people ignoring all the good news about masks not really being effective and the PCR tests being unreliable and therefore making lockdowns based on these tests illegal, and of course the survival rate being 99%––How can people not be relieved when they hear this news?? “Oh you mean I don’t have to wear this stupid mask everywhere I go, hide out in my home, never see my friends, and let my grandma die alone in what has basically become her prison? That’s great news! Anyway, I digress.)

I am usually a very motivated person, it takes a lot to get me down. The first thing I look at when I do feel down is: did I get a good sleep last night? Or for the last few nights in a row? I do not do well with no sleep (my husband might say that’s an understatement); feeling tired is maybe literally the only thing that can get me down. If I feel down, the answer to that question is usually, “No, I didn’t.” But, if I know I have been getting to bed early, sleeping enough hours and waking up at a consistent time and I still don’t feel like I can muster the gusto, what’s next? Have I been eating well? Is there something in my diet I should be avoiding for a while? (Yes, coffee, but I’m still enjoying a cup as I write this––even people who are dedicated to their growth have vices… it just smells so good and tastes so yummy!) Where am I at in my cycle? I have noticed that I have better sleep, or lack of sleep, at certain points in my cycle. Have I spent time with God lately? Yes, lots. Prayer? Meditation? Maybe not enough quiet meditation. Am I bored? The truth is I have lots of work to keep me busy, though I do miss seeing lots of people, working with a team, things like that. Anyway, my point is I look at the Funk and ask what is this? and what can I do about it?

Then I remembered, I have not run in a very long time. I really enjoy running but it doesn’t agree with my body, for now. I get up and walk every morning on the treadmill, or sometimes outside with a friend who lives nearby. I realized, however, that what I am missing was the energized feeling that came from more vigorous exercise. (This is where I start to introduce some concepts from LifePrintOS, a system I use in my practice.) I have a High Achiever archetype so I feel best when I accomplish and the “accomplished” feeling that comes from a good workout would not only give me the jumpstart I’m looking for; it’s also a good thing to honour and respect my body by challenging it and giving it what it needs.

That may not seem like a ground-breaking realization, but one of my main tenets is that it is important for one to know oneself. And that is where I’m going with these posts.

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Missing: You Don’t Know What You’ve Got ’til it’s Gone

I miss singing. I had no idea this would ever be something I would miss. But, now that it’s practically illegal (who actually comes up with this shit?!?!), I miss it so much.

It’s not even the signing I miss as much as the unity/unison I could experience through it. I’m not a singer by any stretch, not really even in the shower, but I used to sing every week at church with about a thousand other people, maybe more. There is something about signing in praise and worship, it’s called heart coherence, that feels amazing.

I don’t think I could specifically say “I think I’m missing the feeling of coherence,” if I wasn’t intentionally conscious of my mental, emotional and spiritual state. I don’t think it’s one of those immediately obvious things you know you are missing, like food on the other hand––you know when you are missing food because your stomach likes to remind you with a very noticeable grumble. No, this is more like a deep yearning of the soul kind of missing; aching to create unity and harmony with other people. I know I can do that each time I meditate, and I still do that, but I guess I’m just missing the whole experience of it: the crowds, the music, the singing, feeling God right there in the midst of us.

I’m sure, because of my somewhat rebellious nature, that part of this also has to do with the simple fact that we’ve been “told” not to sing, so naturally that’s what I want to do. “Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.” “What? What curtain? What man? Where? I wanna see!” It’s like, “No singing!” “Do, Re, Me, Fa, So…. what were you saying?”

So, I have decided that, in addition to the personal growth things I am focusing on during meditation, I am going to set aside special time, even if it’s just a few minutes while I’m drifting off to sleep, to visualize and really feel and experience what it would be like to be singing at church again. And I am going to do this everyday until we’re physically “allowed” to again.