Tag: energy

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The Burning House

When I was a kid, probably somewhere around the ages of 5-7, there was a good chunk of time when I was afraid to go to sleep because I was terrified that the house would catch fire when we were asleep. Sometimes, during the summer months when the days were long but we still had to go to sleep while the sun was out, I would sit at my window and imagine how I would escape if the house did catch fire. I wondered if I could be brave and fast enough to tie the blankets and sheets together and use them to climb down from my window.

This lasted for a long time, maybe close to a year. I don’t remember how I got over it, maybe because other circumstances would develop that would occupy my thoughts instead. Nevertheless, it was a very real fear for a good long while.

I actually forgot about that fear for a very long time, and even when it did come back to mind, I couldn’t understand why I was so afraid of our house catching fire. I didn’t know anyone who had died in a fire or even anyone whose house had burned down. I just remember that I was so afraid of this, to the point of losing sleep over it.

And then one day, while describing to someone how my dad loved to take pictures, and it all came flooding back. (He was very meticulous about pictures––of course, this was in the day when you didn’t want to waste your film so you had to get the shot just right. He still takes pictures like this, mind you, just with his smartphone now so it’s even more annoying when you have to hold your smile for 7 minutes.) We had all been on the way somewhere, most likely on one of our annual road trips down to Mexico, and if Dad saw something that he wanted to photograph we had to pull over so he could. This one time, there was a big house in the middle of nowhere all ablaze. I don’t remember anything or anyone else around, just a big house on fire in the middle of the prairies, and my dad had to photograph it. Did I bother to ask why the house was on fire or how it happened? I don’t know. All I knew was that if it was possible for that house, in the middle of nowhere with no one else around to catch fire, how much more likely was a house with people who lived and cooked and sometimes lit candles in it to catch fire?

I didn’t realize, of course, that my brain had made that association at the time, so my fear of our house burning down made no rational sense. I wonder if I ever even told anyone in my family how I felt. Did they have any idea how terrified I was about this?

Now, with my work in holistic energy practices, it’s easy to understand that the brain makes those subconscious connections. Still it is nonetheless fascinating to see how all those things come together to bring us to the paradigms, beliefs and stories we come to live our lives by. And even more wonderful and fascinating that we have the power and the ability to change those stories to better serve us; that we can be empowered and emboldened to live beyond just the sum of our experiences.

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Conversations

I enjoy conversations, especially the deep ones; philosophical ones, existential ones; conversations about consciousness and the meaning behind the reason.

I mentioned in my previous post, that I’d rather be alone reading or thinking about something deep that to be in a superficial conversation. Don’t get me wrong, I can do the superficial conversation thing, and even enjoy it, but it’s not my preference. I also realize that you don’t just jump into those deep conversations with most people; you have to kind of feel it out first. Some people are afraid to go there, some people have no idea where there even is.

I’m thinking of particular person that I can’t even say the work “Reiki” around. Many people have at least heard of Reiki, are a little bit curious about it, or have even tried it. But when I say this word or even the word energy around her, it’s like I can almost see her floating out of her body. No joke, she completely goes somewhere else. So we talk about other things, the weather, her grown kids, her health issues that began seemingly out of nowhere and will likely “force” her to retire early; from a consciousness perspective, I can see other things going on here, but she can’t hear that, so I just listen.

One time, I had a booth at a trade show and got to talking with the pleasant couple across the aisle from me when we had down time. Mostly he was at their booth, so we talked more, but occasionally she would come around with their little one and bring food. He had been asking about my energy work and practice when his wife joined us, and I was about to tell a story that had something to do with a woman and her pregnancy (this was a long time ago, so I can’t remember the story, it’s not really relevant other than how it affected the energy). She was hanging on to my words, I could see the interest, she wanted to know all about it, but I got to a certain point and the energy in front of him was suddenly as if a huge iron gate had just slammed down, “Whatever you’re about to say, DON’T.” I could tell his wife was waiting for me to tell the story, but I pretended to get distracted and trail off and the energy instantly lifted. The interesting thing was, I don’t really know if he was conscious of any of that. I’m not really sure that he was even aware that it happened; to this day, I wonder. In any case, it was not a conversation that was meant to happen at that moment. I will never forget how tangible that energy was.

This isn’t really the kind of thing I can tell people, though, because unless they are also aware of energy, they will either think I’m full of it; believe that they are impervious, or worry that I am reading their minds, (which I am not, just reading the energy). It’s also why I don’t enjoy the superficial conversations as much, I’d much rather be exploring the energy behind what people are saying.

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Slacking

I’ve been slacking in my posts. I know what this is. I’m not lazy; it’s my procrastination pattern. I tend to put off important things, for a number of reasons: fear of being really good at it and then having the responsibility of having to be even better; fear of not being good at all and then become a laughing stock (of who? of what? I don’t know but I guess this is probably a more common fear than we fool ourselves into believing when the fear is pushing at us); needing the pressure of a tighter deadline to motivate me and push me––there’s something about accomplishing under pressure that I really enjoy, and I do always come through. So why am I slacking?

I have a number of things I want to say. Deep things. I’m not really one to have a lot of superficial conversations. They bore me, and I’d rather be alone reading or thinking about something deep than be in a superficial conversation. So, I haven’t really been slacking, I’ve been putting it off because I want to introduce myself a little. And so I can get used to the way I think and how it comes out in my writing style. It always makes so much sense in my head and my hope is that I can translate that energy into words that makes sense for the reader as well.

The very fact that I’m attempting to apologize for and explain my slacking should tell you, at least, that I am aware of it and working on it. I will get better. And because I may have very few, if any, readers at this point, (unless you’ve found this blog by accident because I have not put it out there or promoted it in any way yet), this is mostly reassurance for myself. I’m recognizing my patterns, I am aware of my fears and hesitations and because I know myself, I know I’m moving forward.

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Sweat

I decided that sweat was what was missing, at this point in time, to help pull me up out of my Funk. This morning I would do a more vigorous workout and listen to some *music that motivates me.

A slight speed-walk/jog to get warmed up, squats, with and without the bar, lunges, without weights for now, jumping-jacks, push-ups and stretches. Ok, maybe it sounds easy, but I’ve been mostly just walking for the last 8 months or so, maybe more. Yeesh! Lazy!

I mean, don’t get me wrong, walking is very beneficial, and some would say better than running which is very hard on your joints. But, it’s also very soft energy, too much time thinking, not enough doing, at least for me. However, in the interest of knowing and honouring myself, I recognize there was a period of time in which that is what I needed; I slowed down and took time. Something I actually had to learn the hard way, as I will eventually explain in a later post.

This morning, after my more vigorous workout, I do feel more motivated. This is even my second post for the day. Which, I need to do because I have quite a few days of slacking with no posts to make up for.

Because of certain things I have learned about myself, through years of observation, (yes, you can observe yourself and I believe one should––don’t just go blindly through life never thinking about what and why you do what you do), and through examination of my LifePrintOS profile, I knew this “sweat” approach would help me. I have a good amount of motivational performance energy in my LifePrint under a High Achiever archetype so I am very goal-oriented.

Walking is a great exercise and it’s calmer softer energy plays to my “Connector” energies in my LifePrint by giving me time alone to connect with myself and move my body while doing so. However, I now knew it was time to get motivation going by tapping into my “Optimizer” energy, the one that likes to get the maximum benefit for the minimum effort. Playing to my goal-oriented High Achiever archetype, I knew I could do this by working up a sweat. In this case, the “sweat” was the goal. And tomorrow morning I’ll know if I hit the other target if I realize it’s hard to sit down––I like knowing I put in a good effort and the sore muscles are confirmation; I said sore muscles, not injuries, let’s be clear. Considering that my legs feel a bit like jelly when I go down the stairs I think there’s a good chance I achieved.

It is very good to have this kind of information from LifePrint because I can use it to my advantage and also look at how certain situations might be a “disadvantage” or rather, I can know where my susceptibilities are and look at how to turn it around by using other energies in my LifePrint to compliment and make up for the perceived disadvantages. And this, of course, lights up my achiever reward centres too because one of my other major “goals” is to know myself. To know what makes me tick, what lights me up, what motivates me, what I need to watch for and how to bolster my susceptibilities.

Time to get the motivation flowing, so for now, I work up a sweat in the mornings, before anyone else gets up. I start the day achieving and it makes way for more achievements.

*There was a period of time when I was running a lot; it doesn’t agree with my body, but I enjoy it SO MUCH! This is a list I made to motivate me through the first 10K race I ever signed up for. The original list was a little different as I have since added and subtracted from it, but this it what keeps my going when I do still occasionally go for a run.

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Social Media

A few weeks ago, I deleted the Facebook app from my phone. I wouldn’t say I was a person who obsessively checked my phone, mostly just at night before going to bed, or to respond to messages. The problem was that the stuff I was reading/seeing was just too “charged”.

I haven’t deleted the Instagram app yet, but I barely check it any more. I just don’t care about the likes. Facebook in particular was starting to have this really “slimy” feel to it. Now that I’ve taken a few steps back from Facebook, it has a totally different feel to it––I feel almost repulsed by it. It’s kind of like when I used to smoke and so the cloud of smoke in the club (a long time ago when indoor smoking was still a thing) and I didn’t really notice the smell of it on my clothes, until I didn’t smoke anymore. Now I realize how gross it smells.

I have had SO MUCH more peace in my life since I got rid of that app. I haven’t completely dismantled my online profile yet, (though I intend to as I do not wish to be complicit in the censorship taking place on the bigger platforms that seem to think it’s okay to tell everyone what to think). But, wow, what a difference it makes to not be fed the fear-mongering on a daily basis. And that’s what it’s called, a social media “feed”, interesting. What is nourishing you?

It feels like I’ve broken through chains. Isn’t it amazing that your thought life and what you are feeding your spirit and soul can have such an effect on your outlook and mindset?

I have gone back to reading more books again, actual books, like the kind made of paper. There really is a difference–I suspect the blue light effect has something to do with that, too. I have been listening to more podcasts and faith-boosting teachings. I feel stronger mentally and spiritually, and I have more energy too. It just feels like I can breathe again.