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I’m So Proud of Her

As I mentioned in my previous post, my oldest moved out this month, and I’m proud of her. She’s only been gone two weeks and yet it feels like it’s been forever.

She has come to visit both of the Fridays that she has been gone. It was great, the first week, we all got to watch Home Alone together, which is our traditional Christmas movie. And, she and I have continued our friendly rivalry in our games of Canasta, a card game played with 6 decks of cards. She beat me last time, a rare occurrence, so far!

It took some getting used to at first as I had to remind myself that I didn’t need to leave the outside light on for her. But, it’s also not the first time she’s left home; last year, she participated in the Katimavik program and was away for 7 months. That experience was great for her and really helped her grow. It also helped me to realize that she’ll be ok on her own.

She’ll be better than ok, actually. She will thrive. She needed to spread her wings.

She is wise beyond her years. She is insightful. She has strong opinions but is not head-strong or stubborn about them. She is very observant and pays close attention to people and how their words align (or don’t) with their actions; she is not easily influenced. She is really smart and the world is lucky to have her. I’m lucky to have her. I’m blessed.

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Normal Things

My oldest daughter moved out earlier this month. She was so excited. I’m excited for her.

It may not have been the most ideal time to move out, in the middle of a “pandemic”. But what struck me, what really stood out to me, was that she was doing something completely normal during a not-so-normal time.

It was rather unceremonious, as basically everything else has been this year. But it was momentous for her, for us. She did a happy dance when she found out she got the place. She moved in with someone who needed a new roommate; I’m glad she won’t be alone during this time. Her roommate has cats, too, which is a big bonus for my daughter––she was really wanting to get one.

A bunch of “normal” things and “normal” moments. I remember thinking to myself, as she was prepping and packing, “Wow, look at this kid, moving out on her own during a time like this. People are still doing normal things.” The fear and anxiety that is in the air for so many, seemed to just fade away, and here we were just having a normal moment, doing normal things. It just made it feel like everything is going to be ok.

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Yesterday

I managed to go to sleep exhausted yesterday without writing the second post of my 100-day commitment, so today I will write two.

I used to hate making mistakes, even though I made a lot of them. I would beat myself up, telling myself I should have done better, done more, gotten it right, I should have known better etc. So, even up until not too long ago, missing a day on a 100-day commitment would have really gotten to me. Now I see it as an opportunity to write about this. To write about the choice I have to be kind to myself.

In fact, yesterday could have been a lot better. I could have accomplished a lot more. It was one of those days where my rhythm was just off. A day that could have been really productive just wasn’t. Or maybe it was and I just didn’t feel it. But that’s just it; I recognized it as one of those days. I had not had much sleep the night before, so I knew that lack of sleep was throwing me off.

I am very goal-oriented so I feel best when I’m accomplishing. Right now, even though I’m working on a lot of things, my main priority is running a household and being a mom to young kids that still require a lot of attention. So, what “accomplishment” looks like has to be a lot more flexible for me these days.

Yesterday, one of my kids stayed home from school. Yesterday, my biggest accomplishments were finding a deal on a giant carpet for my basement and then moving all the furniture out of the way for it to be installed today. Yesterday I encouraged, and was encouraged by, a friend. Yesterday I got in and out of the grocery store with two kids and no issues in less than 10 minutes. Yesterday I made a delicious meal for my family and managed to go to sleep earlier, (even if it was because I forgot to do my daily post!). Yesterday was not a write off, it was preparation for today.

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100 Days

I’m supposed to be writing a short book, my story, but I seem to be suffering from a little writer’s block in that area. So, I’ve decided to commit to writing a blog post everyday for 100 days. What’s that old saying? How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. (Not that I would eat an elephant… maybe if I was starving and it was the only thing around. Though I probably wouldn’t be able to hunt it if I was at the point of being so hungry I felt I’d need to eat an elephant in the first place… where was I?)

Ah yes, 100 days of writing. What should I even write about? Does anyone even want to read about what I have to say? Maybe not, but I think it’s writing about it that’s actually important for me–even if no one else ever reads it. I need a place to put the million thoughts that fly around in my head everyday. So, that’s what this will be, 100 days of sifting through all of it.

Partially, too, it’s an exercise in commitment. I know there is a certain element of freedom and awakening of energy that will come from getting my story down in writing, but I can’t seem to make myself sit down and start doing it. These are the baby bites that maybe need to come first.

One down, 99 to go.

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Church 2.0

I am so proud of my church! Way to go! This feels more like what I have been waiting for during the whole “pandemic”*. Not backing down when they want to shut down drive-in churches. And man was I proud of my pastor when he called out the fear-mongering media!

I had a moment about a month or so ago, when I had gone into my church and things just didn’t feel the same. I was alone, as my husband wasn’t able to come with me that day. My kids were in classes, all distanced in a giant gymnasium, (not signing songs, playing games and making crafts together in their regular classrooms). And, there was a real absence of all the bright, beautiful colours and sounds of all the families greeting each other with big smiles. Actually, there was an absence of smiles in general. So, hence my first article about Church. But I get it, it was not the church’s fault that I felt that way, they are doing the best they can–and it’s a lot! Also, I don’t always feel that way–I had a moment and I wrote about it.

To be clear, my church has been doing amazing things all throughout the “pandemic”. They opened up their cafes and playgrounds all throughout the summer and I would take my kids there often and even meet up with friends or have date nights with my hubby sometimes. I remember the first time they opened their cafe in the spring, it had probably been about 2 months since my kids had been anywhere and I almost cried (tears of joy) when I walked through the doors to get my coffee while the kids played in the playground. Sometimes, as an introvert, I forget how much I need other people and places.

I am really relieved to see our church making a stand. And I am even more happy about all the many people who maybe aren’t regular church-goers but who are coming out to support the church because they recognize the threat to rights and freedoms that is becoming more and more evident these days.

I realize that some people are against the drive-in church concept simply because they are against church, or they are against God/Jesus. They don’t realize that Jesus was a radical who stood for everybody’s freedom, even the people who wouldn’t accept him. He thought our freedom was so important he was willing to die for it. He was so into freedom that even death could not restrain him. Talk about being sold out for a cause.

(Yes, I said “pandemic”, I’m one of those. Insert eyeroll if you feel like it. This is my blog so I’ll write what’s on my mind, understanding that my views do not necessarily represent the views of my clients or anyone else for that matter because we are all INDIVIDUALS!)

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Church

Yes, I go to church. I love my church, I have been attending the same one since 2003. It is where I first realized that God wanted me to live a full and joyful life. A life of significance with which I could impact others and they too would see how much they are loved and valued.

I volunteered, I joined many study groups and got to know many people who I would call my church family; they visited me when I was sick in the hospital, I dedicated all my children there, they held me as I cried when one of my kids was going through a difficult time. My church was a place that I could always walk into and feel welcomed. No matter what kind of day I was having I would always feel better when I walked out of there.

Today was the first time that I walked in and out of my church and felt invisible. I am heartbroken at the separation that has leaked into even the church due to all the extreme covid measures. Everyone masked, everyone separate.

I felt so alone. It felt worse than when I go into the grocery store, a restaurant or any other public place because at least in those places I don’t expect people to be full of faith.

It’s one thing to temporarily close public places for two weeks, (maybe even four), as we were initially told back in March, but now we’re going on nine MONTHS with no end in sight. I see the church, people and governments bowing down to the false god of “science”and the mainstream media. It has become tyranny and oppression.

I imagined God’s people, people of faith, standing shoulder to shoulder, singing his praises; loving and supporting one another; trusting in him and the gifts of health and prosperity that he has endowed upon us along with the gift of reconciliation and forgiveness through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Today I just felt invisible.

One thing I know in my heart of hearts: what we are doing right now is not something a loving God would ask us to do. Jesus touched lepers, the outcasts of society, and healed them, he spoke to, healed, forgave and loved those that others wouldn’t associate with–Samaritans, the demon-possessed, adulterers, the woman with the issue of blood, so many examples.. and not once have I read about him masking up, hiding at home or keeping a 2 meter bubble around himself to do it.

Disclaimer: my views do not necessarily represent those of the church I attend, nor the Christian faith as a whole, unfortunately.

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I Don’t Have a Choice…

This morning someone said to me “I really don’t have a choice” and it made me realize that Choice is actually the only thing we DO have.

Because of constructs like social and cultural programming, past experiences and our beliefs about them, and how new experiences get filtered through those beliefs, etc most of us live our whole lives believing we “don’t have a choice,” that things have to be a certain way because that’s how they’ve always been.  “I can’t ____ because of what people would think,” “I don’t have enough time to ____” et cetera, fill in your excuse.

We don’t own Time, we don’t own other peoples’ feelings, reactions or schedules, we don’t own the weather… the only thing we can really OWN are the choices we make in every moment.

How we feel about those choices is another matter, of course. But the fact is we can choose in every moment, and knowing that opens up a world of possibilities. Take stock of your thoughts for a week. What do you often find yourself saying you “can’t” do? Ask yourself, “What would happen if I chose something different this time?” You don’t even need to know the answer, just be open to the possibilities that come with another choice.

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Relationships

When I was around 18-20 years old, I received the two best pieces of dating advice I’ve ever heard; when the topic comes up and I am asked my opinion, I have shared this advice and have noticed that those I share it with are moved to genuine thoughtfulness and reflection so I thought I’d share those little treasures here. They are simple and insightful.

  1. The person you end up spending your life with should make you a better person, ie bring out the best in you. At first glance this can seem like obvious advice, but there are people in your life that have the ability to make you feel amazing and yet they can distract you off the path toward your Best Self. As I have matured, I have made a point to honestly and sincerely love and accept people exactly where they’re at, that includes Myself, so this is not about being unhappy with who I AM (or who someone else is), it’s about taking steps that move me toward the best version of Myself.  Someone who helps you become your Best Self tells you what you need to hear, not just what you want to hear, and holds you accountable to standards of your Best Self while loving you as you are. What this actually looks like is different for everybody. Which brings me to the second piece of advice:
  2. Know what you can live with and what you can’t. Before you even get into a relationship, you need to know a few things about Yourself. You need to know your Must Haves – anyone you want a relationship with must have these qualities that you highly value. Do not imagine that they will develop these qualities over time by spending time with you, or worse, by nagging them to change; your I Can Deal With Thats – these are qualities, (or habits etc) that a person does or doesn’t have and you know you’ll be ok if you have deal with it, or the absence of it, for the rest of your life; , and your No Gos – these are things that you know you don’t ever want to deal with, qualities that you really can’t stand. Knowing where you stand on all these types of qualities is important for a couple reasons: 1) you have to assume that this person will always possess these qualities and that they will never change no matter how much you love them or how much they love you; 2) the qualities that you value and/or can’t live with will guide you on your path to your Best Self. If the qualities possessed by the person you are considering a relationship with line up nicely with your Must Haves, I Can Deal With Thats and your No Gos, this person will help you stay the course on the path to your Best Self by virtue of just being his/herself. And, you won’t waste your time and efforts trying to change someone else or adapting your Self to conform to something you knew you didn’t want to live with in the first place.

These two pieces of advice were given to me in regards to choosing a marriage partner, but over the years I have come to apply these measures to all the relationships in my life. I think about them as I choose my friends, acquaintances and business associates and it has served me very well. I love the life I have built and am excited about where it continues to lead. And, whether they do or not, I have to assume that people are applying the same measure when deciding to include me in their lives. I ask Myself, “is the way I’m speaking/behaving/living my life what I would value in a friend or partner?”

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Habits

Yes! I’m lifting weights again! This is something I really enjoy but took a 4+ month hiatus from due to a severe case of West Nile virus this past summer. It was 19 weeks plus a day, actually, from my last workout with weights before falling ill and beginning a long recovery to feeling really up to the physical challenge of lifting weights again.

The desire to resume my weight lifting activity was there, for sure, but my health care provider told me even getting a massage would be too hard on my body. And honestly, when I really thought about it I knew my body was too physically exhausted to even think seriously about doing it. It was a good month before I could even resume a daily 20-minute walk, but as soon as I was able I committed to doing it. Every day. Again.

At the beginning of 2018 I decided that it was time to make my physical health a priority again. My youngest was then about 15 months old so I had a little more freedom to establish a routine. I committed to getting up early and exercising before the kids woke up. There were days when I was so tired, or didn’t wake up in time to complete a whole workout but I told myself that even on those days I would at least put on my workout clothes and go down to the treadmill and do at least five minutes. There were some days when I would hear the kids stirring before I could even begin my workout, but I still put on the workout clothes; it was the habit I was building, and let’s face it, it’s a heck of a lot easier to feel like working out if you’re not in your pyjamas!

That February, I also added meditation to my routine, my workout is always followed by a 16-minute meditation. In fact, my meditation now trumps my physical workout, meaning that if I’m running short on time, I reduce my physical activity to accommodate my meditation time–it has given me so much calm and mental clarity in my life, among other things, that it’s just not worth missing it, but this rarely happens.

I found that it was easier to maintain these habits if I didn’t skip weekends so my 5-day per week routine quickly became a very gratifying everyday routine. There were definitely days when I just wanted to be lazy but I also knew how much my body would thank me and how good it would feel once the workout was done and that reasoning always won. I also knew how easy it would be for one day of rest to turn into two and then three…

Then, on August long weekend I got really sick and all that had to pause for the long recovery. This past Sunday I picked up the weights again for the first time since that weekend and it felt great! Just some squats with the bar and some lunges using free weights. I knew I had to ease into this again, but I also really wanted that satisfying sore muscle feeling after a good workout, like, I want sitting down in a chair to feel like hard work, lol. Let me be clear, though, this is not about pushing my body beyond what it is capable of to the point of injury–I would not suggest that to anybody. I’m also convinced that having built these healthy habits into my life played a big part in allowing me to recover so quickly from that West Nile setback.

I did the same thing again on Tuesday and added some abdominal, pectoral, bicep and tricep stuff, just a quick whole body routine to get everything going again. I wanted to do the same thing again on Thursday but had come down with a bad cold and knew better than to push my body into something it wasn’t up for. Today, (Saturday), I was able to do a quick run to warm up, a total body weight routine, my meditation and BodyTalk Access routine and it feels so good! My body thanks me.

I will continue to ease back into the weights, building up that habit slowly, but surely. After all, that is the only way to build habits, one day at a time, one choice at a time.

 

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So… Let’s Talk About Fasting

The first time I consciously fasted was when we lost a family member to esophageal cancer. I really didn’t know much about fasting then, but what I knew is that a family member became very ill and lost a lot of weight because she could barely eat anymore. Something in me wanted to honour this; I felt like it was somehow giving a voice to those who cannot speak for themselves; a way to empathize with those who are suffering. That was ten years ago.

Over the last three years I have educated myself about the benefits of fasting and about some of the “whys” that we do it. While I understand most of the basic science about it, what intrigues me most is the mental/emotional work we go through as we do it.

In 2015, I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. I was told by the specialist that I would be on medication for the rest of my life and that there was really nothing else I could do about it–that diet didn’t have anything to do with it. However, being that my colon is part of my digestive tract, something about this really didn’t sit right with me. I went to see a trusted herbalist and under her care I tackled this thing from a holistic perspective. Part of the way we were dealing with this was for me to give up two very basic ingredients for a brief period of time. (I am not going to list those two things, because not everyone is the same and I don’t believe that we can all heal with the same one-size fits-all solution.) The specialist agreed to let me try things the natural way and a follow-up was scheduled for 4 months down the road.

While I was not fasting entirely, what I was doing was giving up some things that, until then, had been an everyday part of my life. And I was doing this totally in faith that it would have some kind of positive effect on the state of my health. Because I knew that, if left untreated, the colitis could eventually  result in me having part of my colon removed, (or worse), the thought of giving up a few types of foods was not even a question. I didn’t want to end up in a position where I was out of commission and my young family couldn’t rely on me. Giving up certain foods was an easy decision.

However, there were days when thoughts would come, “what if this doesn’t work?” “What if all this is for nothing?” I am happy to say that everything turned out really well.  And there began my journey of really exploring my relationship with food.

I just came off an extended fast; I lasted 65 hours. My intention was to go for five days, but ultimately I gave in to some organic corn chips and homemade salsa. Now, I’m making light of this a little bit, but I am really careful not to be too hard on myself, not to be unforgiving because I think that would defeat the purpose. When I’m fasting, I become really aware and intentional. Mindfulness is really important. How easy is it to just pop something into your mouth without thinking while making lunch for the kids or preparing a meal for others? And then, preparing a meal for others really becomes an act of service, a demonstration of love and devotion to those who are dependent on you. Fasting causes me to ask myself WHY I want to eat something instead of just mindlessly snacking here and there as I go about my day. Fasting makes me more aware of my habits and reasons for eating. And more grateful for what I have.

My relationship with food has changed somewhat this year. I came down with a serious case of West Nile virus this past summer, which, among other things, seems to have changed the way some of my favourite foods taste to me. Sometimes, I still eat those things, like chocolate, and when I don’t enjoy it as much, I ask myself, “why did I just eat that? I knew it wasn’t going to taste as amazing as it once did to me, so why am I still eating it?” I don’t necessarily have the answers to these types of questions, but I think asking them is important.

I REALLY enjoy food, I mean, A LOT! But what I enjoy even more, is learning about myself and what I am capable of. For me, fasting is never about weight-loss (though I am not knocking it as part of an informed solution if you choose to go that route; intermittent fasting can be very effective, if done consciously). For me, it’s about exploring my strengths and weaknesses, and continuing to develop discipline, patience, and gratitude. And ultimately, it’s about getting to know myself.

#KnowyourselfLoveyourselfBeyourself