In a Funk

This is what I call it when I can’t seem to shake a cloud over me; a lack of motivation. It took me three days to get out the previous post and it was “crap”. I’ve got crap in quotes because it just is what it is. It’s not like it was total crap but I felt I could have done better. Except, I couldn’t because if I could have I would have! That was all that was flowing out of me.

So, I had to examine: what the heck has got me in this funk? (I mean aside from the world being in the whole stupid “pandemic” situation and people ignoring all the good news about masks not really being effective and the PCR tests being unreliable and therefore making lockdowns based on these tests illegal, and of course the survival rate being 99%––How can people not be relieved when they hear this news?? “Oh you mean I don’t have to wear this stupid mask everywhere I go, hide out in my home, never see my friends, and let my grandma die alone in what has basically become her prison? That’s great news! Anyway, I digress.)

I am usually a very motivated person, it takes a lot to get me down. The first thing I look at when I do feel down is: did I get a good sleep last night? Or for the last few nights in a row? I do not do well with no sleep (my husband might say that’s an understatement); feeling tired is maybe literally the only thing that can get me down. If I feel down, the answer to that question is usually, “No, I didn’t.” But, if I know I have been getting to bed early, sleeping enough hours and waking up at a consistent time and I still don’t feel like I can muster the gusto, what’s next? Have I been eating well? Is there something in my diet I should be avoiding for a while? (Yes, coffee, but I’m still enjoying a cup as I write this––even people who are dedicated to their growth have vices… it just smells so good and tastes so yummy!) Where am I at in my cycle? I have noticed that I have better sleep, or lack of sleep, at certain points in my cycle. Have I spent time with God lately? Yes, lots. Prayer? Meditation? Maybe not enough quiet meditation. Am I bored? The truth is I have lots of work to keep me busy, though I do miss seeing lots of people, working with a team, things like that. Anyway, my point is I look at the Funk and ask what is this? and what can I do about it?

Then I remembered, I have not run in a very long time. I really enjoy running but it doesn’t agree with my body, for now. I get up and walk every morning on the treadmill, or sometimes outside with a friend who lives nearby. I realized, however, that what I am missing was the energized feeling that came from more vigorous exercise. (This is where I start to introduce some concepts from LifePrintOS, a system I use in my practice.) I have a High Achiever archetype so I feel best when I accomplish and the “accomplished” feeling that comes from a good workout would not only give me the jumpstart I’m looking for; it’s also a good thing to honour and respect my body by challenging it and giving it what it needs.

That may not seem like a ground-breaking realization, but one of my main tenets is that it is important for one to know oneself. And that is where I’m going with these posts.

Social Media

A few weeks ago, I deleted the Facebook app from my phone. I wouldn’t say I was a person who obsessively checked my phone, mostly just at night before going to bed, or to respond to messages. The problem was that the stuff I was reading/seeing was just too “charged”.

I haven’t deleted the Instagram app yet, but I barely check it any more. I just don’t care about the likes. Facebook in particular was starting to have this really “slimy” feel to it. Now that I’ve taken a few steps back from Facebook, it has a totally different feel to it––I feel almost repulsed by it. It’s kind of like when I used to smoke and so the cloud of smoke in the club (a long time ago when indoor smoking was still a thing) and I didn’t really notice the smell of it on my clothes, until I didn’t smoke anymore. Now I realize how gross it smells.

I have had SO MUCH more peace in my life since I got rid of that app. I haven’t completely dismantled my online profile yet, (though I intend to as I do not wish to be complicit in the censorship taking place on the bigger platforms that seem to think it’s okay to tell everyone what to think). But, wow, what a difference it makes to not be fed the fear-mongering on a daily basis. And that’s what it’s called, a social media “feed”, interesting. What is nourishing you?

It feels like I’ve broken through chains. Isn’t it amazing that your thought life and what you are feeding your spirit and soul can have such an effect on your outlook and mindset?

I have gone back to reading more books again, actual books, like the kind made of paper. There really is a difference–I suspect the blue light effect has something to do with that, too. I have been listening to more podcasts and faith-boosting teachings. I feel stronger mentally and spiritually, and I have more energy too. It just feels like I can breathe again.